Not many posts just yet because I've been generally happy as hell lately and pretty much enjoying the buzz from enjoying life this much.
I suspect the previous post was somewhat fueled by pre-menstrual syndrome but as it's passed quickly enough we're back to over-enthusiastic happy moi again. Might just be a manic upturn for all I know but might as well enjoy it as long as it lasts.
To put it simply, I'm walking around with this big smile on my heart, all the time, and I think it shows. I'm feeling incredibly joyful, on a natural high, for the past few weeks, and it's wonderful. There's so much to love, I feel like hugging everyone I meet.
And no, I'm not in love, even though this insane, heady sense of extreme bliss feels almost like it.
So for lack of a more interesting update, and as I'm still sorting out the shots from Hanoi, here's a bunch of pictures of things that make me unreasonably chipper:
I've been wanting this Pinkie Pirate Dooodoll for awhile. Someone grudgingly got it for me after a few days of listening to me whine for it. Made PMS a heap more tolerable, just grinning stupidly at it after I got it.
Had cravings for very rare steak the entire time I was feeling hormonal and cranky. Two people brought me for that. Was literally bouncing off the walls after that. Food makes me smile!
Looking at pictures of the silly doodles I did on Miss Dot. This one keeps cracking me up. The "mouth" was actually a cigarette burn she suffered while out with friends.
I bring this little Domo-kun doll everywhere. I take random pictures of it in strange settings. This was from my cruise at Ha Long Bay. Looking at my folder of Domo-going-places shots cheers me up immensely. Most entertaining present from the skinny, EVAR!
A random trip to the beach on a weekday afternoon with frequent beach buddy, Yogurt (no, not her real name). Rolling around on the sand with a book. Bliss. Don't mind the make-up free face and dark eye-circles. Yes, I am freckly.
Not many posts just yet because I've been generally happy as hell lately and pretty much enjoying the buzz from enjoying life this much.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 18:57
you are so far away most days all i see in you is a glimmer of resigned affection and suppressed aggravation. is passion even a word in your dictionary anymore?
i come to you every day, worrying the empty tundra landscape i see in those tired eyes.
i walk away sometimes, aware of the invisible bars that keeps me trapped in the cold.
i've been warming myself, at other fires, just so my own heart will thaw again.
i thought i lost the ability to taste that spark of pure feeling,
i thought i could sit next to you on your icy throne, but i was wrong.
the bands of ice around my chest are melting. but you are still cold. and i am still trying to escape.
these chains of love and habit.
ask yourself again, if i am the resentful Persephone you would keep by your side.
because the pomegranate seeds i have eaten are only so few.
and it is almost spring-time.
Went out last night, got a bit smashed from my lowered alcohol tolerance from being mostly alcohol-free for the past few months. Anyway, about 3am an overwhelming hunger drove me to go straight home for food.
On reaching home, while still inebriated, I seem to have managed to (not in any real semblance of order):
- changed into my favourite shirt for sleeping in (no idea how I achieved this, I can't find half my stuff even when perfectly sober)
- removed makeup
- washed face
- applied toner, moisturizer, and serum for night treatment
- taken out contacts
- fixed myself a wiener in a bun
- replied an email (and sounding quite sober too in it)
- checked Facebook and commented on half a dozen things on it
- chatted with a friend
- replied to all the texts I'd gotten
- gotten self into bed with Cookie
I must conclude that I am pretty awesome on auto-pilot.
In other news, sorting through close to a thousand and seven hundred images from my trip has been a major pain in the butt. Will upload some quite soon, once I get the chore of discarding pointless or irrelevant shots over and done with.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 16:04
I get living vicariously through other people's dramas. I get the jokes and the low blows at other people's expenses. I even get the occasional harmful gossip. All that serves to spice up your life a little, and make you feel better about yourself. I mean, that's what it's for right? A certain self-reassurance in feeling a little better than others... I know. I understand. I'm probably guilty of doing the same at one point of life or another.
I just don't get how you have made all of this such a big part of your lifestyle. Is your existence as meaningless as to drive you to devote most of your free time towards reveling in and spreading shit about other people's lives? I mean, is that all your life revolves around, this endlessly vicious cycle?
I also do not understand how you could run your mouth off about me to literally everyone and their mothers, to the extent that it is no longer a surprise, nor hurtful, that the nth person tells me that you have been discussing the private details of my life with them. I would keep count, but there have been so many... I guess my colourful life fascinates you or excites you, enough to become a constant topic for conversation LOL.
Sure I tire you, I realise that, and that is why I stay away from you. Hell I tire myself, so I fully empathise. But I know what you say about me, have known about what you say about me, since years and years back. I have read what your friend said about me to my ex. I know what you said and still say to my ex. The irony is that you tire me too, with your constant back-stabbing and the silly little dramas within your slanderous little group.
The saddest part is how I use to take you into confidence because I actually trusted you. And liked you. And respected your opinion. I guess none of that really matters though, for you. Your addiction to dishing the dirt takes precedence over everything else. I think you made me cry once, when I realised that. But crying once over anyone is one time too many, and I've come to accept that you are what you are, and that trust is not something someone should have in you.
But it's fine. Really. I won't say anything detrimental about you when people call me up for reference checks. I don't bother to make you the topic of my conversations with people. I don't respond when people bring YOUR name up as a topic of gossip and bitching.
Because you are still blood, and the idea of doing all that shit to you makes me uncomfortable, to a certain extent. Can't quite see myself stooping to that level, I guess. And honestly, I couldn't be fucked. It's easier to just not give a shit, instead of getting worked up.
So the point of this post? I just thought that you should know that I know. =)
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 10:37
Sat down in front of my computer today just to find that my internet connection was down. Decided it was a good as any an opportunity to write. I have realized that, prior to the installation of a fast, relatively stable internet connection, I was a lot more productive on the writing front, for lack of the ease of just opening my browser and screening through the infinite amount of things to be seen online that serve to fill my mind with mindless trash and anaesthesize the hurt that I used to pen down.
I have been rediscovering my old love for music again, settling down with headphones on, on a simple enough quest for sounds and rhythms that make my heart sing and balm the constant edgy indecision of my soul. Keeping those head-phones on serve a secondary function of keeping me from engaging in the daily confrontation of the one that rages chronically, here at home, blocks out the words that would hurt.
I have recently found this young Saudi Arabian singer, Alaa Wardi, and despite not understanding a word of what he sings, his music speaks so earnestly and directly to my soul that I teared up the first time I heard this single, 7aram. I have been a big fan, ever since.
Haven’t really cracked open any books until the past few weeks. Gone are the days of voracious reading, I guess, but at least I’ll try to make more time for those private moments curled up with a good novel or an interesting piece of non-fiction. It’s been reassuring to find that the tactile pleasures of flipping through a bound volume, the lines of text conveying a different world, a different place, isn’t quite lost to me yet.
Life, lately, as you can see, has been a bid to rediscover all the simpler things in life that used to give me so much joy and satisfaction. The indifferent numbness of the past nine months has thawed, and an unreasonable sense of joy has been filling my heart for the past week or so. I feel like I’m walking around all the time with this big smile inside of me, almost bursting out in song for this happiness I can barely contain.
For once in a very long time, life feels like a infinite amount of possibilities again.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 11:54
Sorry for the lack of updates: I've been back in Kuching for more than three days already, but I've not been very diligent in posting up anything. Took a day or two to recuperate from the frenetic pace and general confusion that was the last part of the trip, and also a rather severe episode of irritable bowel syndrome that was pretty much well-deserved - I just HAD to gorge myself silly on durian pancakes on my final day in KL. All that fat and sugar was just too much strain on my intolerant stomach, and I had to suffer an entire day of the consequences of my gluttony. Heh.
I remain as unrepentant as ever, though. Some things are worth the discomfort of indulging in, and that leads to the topic of my latest acquirement during my brief stay in KL: a rather interesting new piercing. It's been a few days already, and I'm pretty chuffed at having done it, even if I've to make some minor life-style changes, if just for a fortnight, to ensure a nice, quick healing.
Some tips and advice from Frankie, my piercer:
- Drink plenty of fluids
- Keep piercing clean and dry at all time
- Vitamin C supplement can aid in speeding up healing time
- No rigorous activity that might affect the piercing
- Sea-salt soaks
- Early bed-time for at least these two weeks
As you can probably guess, the last one's the one that I'm having most problem sticking to. I have been, for a huge portion of my life, ever since early childhood, been a mostly nocturnal person, with episodes of insomnia. But he has good reason for asking me to stick to that, with his apprentice Andy as a prime example of that (dude has a piercing that didn't heal as nicely as it should, due to not sleeping well), and I will persist in keeping it up for at least a week, or a month, if it's not too much of a struggle.
I must say though, Frankie's definitely someone I'll be going back to for new metal - he was very friendly and professional, and answered all my questions patiently and didn't once make me feel uncomfortable. We need more of such people here!
Also, there's this issue that I have been slowly emerging out of self-denial of... but now I find myself at risk of sinking into depression over.
I have a niggling feeling that my hearing is going. I've been having this sneaking suspicion for a while already, but it seems to be getting progressively much worse lately. The tinnitus has been an on-going problem that I have been trying very hard to ignore for the longest time, but for the past few months I've been experiencing what I can only best describe as a constant "flinching" sensation in the ear, the sort one gets in response to a loud sound, only in my case it feels like that all the time, regardless of auditory stimulus or not.
And then there is the all the conversation I can see going on but can't really catch...
To say it is a terrifying prospect would be an understatement. Music salves my soul, soothes a lot of the tumultuous insanity that lies just beneath the facade I just manage to keep in place all the time. What do I do when I no longer have that to comfort me?
I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I'll go for a test soon to find out the extent of my hearing-loss. Sigh.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 15:34
Going home tonight after a rather stressful day yesterday in KL. Due to the lock-down imposed by the government as a rather unnecessary and overtly dramatic reaction to the BERSIH rally, I couldn't even check into my hotel in the city, and was pretty much camping at the airport with Miss Dot and the skinny till evening.
Had to check into Tune Hotels (and not the one near the airport, because that was fully-booked by other sad people like me), which I absolutely detest, and found no reason to love after spending a night in. At 8am there were the house-keeping crew loudly talking and pushing around carts noisily in the hall-ways, which went on till 10ish, and I was most unceremoniously informed by one of them knocking on my door that I was to check out at 10am. The shower went bonkers on me mid-lather and I was scalded with a sudden deluge of hot water, and it didn't help that the hair-dryer in the tiny toilet didn't work. I am a cranky, cranky person when I have to walk around sporting a crazed Simba hair-style.
A very pleasant end to a holiday, as I'm sure you all would imagine.
Just my luck to get stuck in this situation, after being similarly stuck in Sukhumvit in Bangkok last year due to another demonstration. That one had grenades being lobbed around, as opposed to tear-gas canisters for this one. Fuck my life hahaha.
Ah well, at least it was quite the experience, I guess.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 10:39
By the time this post goes up, I should embarking on the quest of stuffing myself with as much of Hanoi's culinary delicacies as possible, both the skinny and Miss Dot for company.
Will update once I recover from what I foresee to be many, many food-induced comas and one helluva frenzied shopping spree.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 12:35
It's that time of the year again in Kuching - the annual madness that is the Rainforest World Music Festival.
As usual, there'll be hoards of people from all over flocking down to Kuching enjoy the music festival.
Some of you might be lucky enough to secure accommodations at resorts around Cultural Village. Some of you might not, or might have opted not to stay overnight there.
And driving all the way there can be a pain in the arse, because
- it's a fair distance from Kuching city and all that driving just seems tedious (or in the case of inebriation for the journey back down, close to impossible or even dangerous)
- on reaching the area, parking can be a bitch, resulting in the need to walk a fair distance from some random parking spot nowhere near Cultural Village
- you might be having so much fun you end up losing those goddamn keys (been there, done that, bought the t-shirt)
- you don't want to drive back all muddy, sweaty, and smelly, and soil the precious leather seats of your own car
And then there's always the option of taking the bus up to catch the festival. So there's a City Public Link shuttle between Cultural Village the city (or more specifically, Hills Shopping Mall)every hour, and going for RM10 a way... or you can just fork out RM50 for unlimited rides on the shuttle for three days of the festival.
You can take the bus up in the afternoon for the workshops, head back down to town for a nice dinner of kolomee or go back home/to your hotel for a shower, and head back up just when the performances begin rockin'. And you do so as many times as you want to for the entire duration of RWMF. Good deal ey?
If anyone's interested, those three-day unlimited passes are available at Hills Shopping Mall information counter.
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