Happy Easter to you too.
Celebration of birth and resurrection.
Hopefully new beginnings.
Thank you for the email. Thank you for properly validating, for the first time, the secrets I've kept for so long on end.
Needed that much for closure, instead of being written off as a lunatic suffering a psychotic break, with nothing and no-one to attest to the veracity of the nightmare that happened.
It's a relief that you're no longer convincing the world that I was lying, about the terrible things that were eating me up from the inside.
For giving me back a tiny piece of my pride, for restoring the bit of credibility you took from me.
For having the courage to say all that to me, despite my bitterness and my rage.
Happy Easter to you too.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 20:57
I've been on hiatus for the umpteenth time from this blog, and I'm starting to think that maybe I should close this domain that has been around for a decade, because there's this chapter of my life I think is coming to an end, as I approach the big three-O.
I've been in denial that I could keep this journal up and running forever - fact is, I no longer really feel like that rebellious, troubled teenager that started writing on a blog as a means to find herself... Maybe blogging was a cheaper form of therapy.
Doesn't mean I'm not going to write anymore though. Maybe I need a new addy, with some sort of focus for my postings. Hell, I've already been shifting my time to more regulated pieces on other domains.
We'll see about it. Maybe I might opt to go back to posting under a pseudonym, as I did, a long time ago, with that site that almost got me into trouble, but also had some of my most honest thoughts, instead of the censored crap I post here.
Sick of writing in riddles. Want an avenue to explore other topics instead of self-absorbed whinging. Want to reinvent myself as a writer - this has been stagnant way too long.
Most of all, want to say goodbye to bits of my past that have no place in my present. G, if you're reading this, take care and be well. I'm hoping that you remain where you've opted to be - as a part of my life that has already passed me by. This blog was once for you... And it's time to shed all that emotional baggage.
To my readers who have checked back for glimpses into my life: thank you for all the support, and for following my adventures here all this while.
Lastly, happy lunar new year to you all. :)
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 21:53
It's Christmas Eve.
You're 14,800 kilometres away but I've not felt so loved and wanted in such a long time. For some people, distance serves to alienate and separate, but ironically, with you, it has brought the two of us closer together, due to the necessity of a clearer channel of communication, the greater need to reach out to affirm this bond we tentatively, unintentionally ended up forging.
Your words and your kindness wrap around my heart like a fuzzy wool blanket, and all I want to do for the moment is lie down and luxuriate in this sensation, for the moment.
Yes, it's just due to endorphins and I know this will not last, but to actually have the pleasure of having known all this affection this year is just an... amazing feeling.
Merry Christmas to the rest of you reading this blog. May this holiday season be one filled with love and light and happiness, and may 2015 usher in better things for all of us.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 11:22
There are no words to actually describe how much I miss you or the summer we shared.
No regrets, I said to you, but my heart protests at the empty space next to me that used to be your comforting presence.
I give myself three weeks for this to fade, I said; so much bravado. Three months on and all I am is this wistful longing.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 18:27
I've been going through old blog posts recently, because a new friend asked for the URL to this little domain I call my own, and I really couldn't remember the last time I wrote something here that I could be proud of.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 14:26
I've been waking sore, on most mornings, as a result of my daily exertions.
|All smiles, shortly before we got attacked by prawns lurking amongst the rocks... -_- Image credits: Felicity|
|My standard hike kit. Stole this photo off the cousin's Facebook post.|
In other (unsurprising) news, I think I am adjusting pretty well to your absence. It's a hundred and ten days since you first voiced out that crazy idea of of yours, which I so recklessly agreed to. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to stop keeping track of these things, considering the current circumstances.
Yeah, I do miss your enthusiasm for the things I no longer have the idealism to believe in, and the million and one moments of warped humour we share, but life feels like a tidal wave now... time waits for no-one, and just so easily, it slowly washes away the foot-prints you left in the sphere of my existence.
I never thought it would be this easy. It scares me a little.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 11:06
This is a pill millipede. It is not a pill-bug, even though they have developed the same defence measure against threats (by rolling into a ball) through this amazing thing called convergent evolution. Pill millipedes are classified under the superorder Oniscomorpha, and have eleven to thirteen segments. This particular specimen was found on one of my hikes (Wallace Trail, up Bung Muan a.k.a. Bukit Peninjau), and was fortunate it didn't get tenderly placed in a "safe" place by my well-meaning animal-lover friend. Two of its brethren ended up rolling a fair distance downhill the week before due to such kind sentiments.
Anyway, today I just feel like doing that - curl up into a tight ball and pretend the outside world does not exist. Such a self-absorbed, self-pitying emotion, and I won't pretend I am getting rather impatient and irritated at my extend duration of intermittent emo. I've grown to despise Whingy Irene, and I think Emotional Irene is pathetic, so I deleted the post I initially wrote, to replace it with a picture of possibly the cutest variety of millipede ever (yes, I just called a leggy invertebrate "cute").
On the topic of millipedes, I've been seeing heaps of them on hikes lately, because it is the rain season... these fellows love the humidity. 'Pedes are common on the tropical jungle trails I take, of course, but for the past few weeks we've been observing a way larger amount of them just casually ambling along, in so many different forms and even more amazingly, bursts of colour.
A particular specimen that I photographed last week (image just above), the silvery plated individual I found (along with another of its kin) along the trail to Gunung Gading's Waterfall 7 seems to be a favourite with my friends for its very industrial-looking aesthetics. This species does not curl up in self-defence; five minutes spent on prodding and flipping it over with a twig only resulted in it walking off away from me rather unhurriedly.
Just below this paragraph is this rather flamboyant giant-sized millipede that is my favourite, so far. With its gaudy colouration of black, pink and yellow, friends have gone as far as to nickname this species as "the Elton John millipede" and even "Beyoncepede".
|Spirobolida (Image credits: Alvin K)|
Not too sure if this one has the habit of curling up but I read somewhere that it releases a foul liquid in response to threats that whilst is not toxic to humans, isn't exactly something you want to touch either, so it's a case of just appreciating its beauty from a distance.
I'd really love a terrarium with just these three species inhabiting it though, they're so diverse in shape, size, and colour, yet pretty much require the same diet (decomposing plant matter) and living conditions. I do wonder, however, if a tank full of these different species might result in fighting for territory? Not too familiar with their habits in this regards.
Anyway this has been rather therapeutic. What started out as a whingy load of self-pity has somehow gone off on a tangent into an enthusiastic description of these many-legged creatures... what a nature nerd hah.
Ya know what? I shall aspire to charge through the depressive fog of the past few days, with all the single-mindedness of that stoic little silver 'pede, and just keep going and going and going and going instead of being a total wuss sitting here blubbering in front of my PC.
Posted by CreativeBitchin at 16:43
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